It didn't feel so great at first, but now I am completely thanking the universe.
At the end of summer last year (2020), I lost my job.
I was left with no job in the middle of a pandemic where the job market was horrible. Honestly, it still is.
I remember driving back home that morning filled with anxiety and tears.
I kept asking myself, "well, what am I going to do next?"
Unfortunately, almost the entire country experienced a situation like this (and way worse, sadly), it just really took me off guard at how it happened (I'm grateful to be alive, fed, and have a home of course).
I remember a conversation I had about a month before this event. I thought back to a moment that was pretty thought provoking and in a way, it changed my way of thinking. I was talking to a friend of mine at that job, where we were just casually, having a talk about life. I was telling her about my creative hobbies and what I wanted my life to look like. I even told her I wanted to explore the world while living in a van. She immediately interrupted me and asked, "then, what are you doing here"? That shook me to my core. Right then and there, my mind went like this emoji 🤔.
She was so right though. What was I doing there? To be honest, I stopped liking my job a long time ago. I cried a lot and kept trying to remain positive. I constantly tried to convince myself that I was fine and that I should be grateful I still had my job during a pandemic. It honestly felt like I was just trying to hold my sanity together with a piece of tape. Come to think of it, I only truly stayed because I liked my coworkers (most of them were wonderful btw) more than the actual job itself. I mean, it also didn't help that my boss occasionally kept asking me "do you like your job? because I used to do that and I know how its like". Oh, I don't know why I ignored that red flag (and multiple others) that fluttered right in front of my eyes.
A month after that, I made a decision. I always knew that creating was my one true passion, even if I wasn't always so consistent with it. During the pandemic, I picked up my paintbrush again, because I felt like I really needed it. And I did, as always. From there, I decided to take my creative energy more seriously. With my friend Genesis, we both decided to start exploring our creative hobbies. We ended up renting out a 400 sqft basement studio space in a commercial building. It's a great start, and more than enough for us. I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, I'm more than excited for my future and feel like I'm finally putting the puzzle pieces of my life together. Everyday, I am learning, growing, and I find myself actually smiling more.
(pictures of our studio^ it's not fully decorated yet, but we're slowly adding things little by little) (update: this is a few months later than when I wrote this post and it looks a bit different now)
The moral of the story is: if you find yourself not liking what you do, you have the option to leave or change what you're doing. If you can't at the moment, that's okay too. Keep your head up, you're gonna make it through, be patient, be kind to yourself, and be your first priority. One thing I've learned is that everyone's journey is different, so just enjoy yours as much as you can. Try not to compare yourself to others too. I know its easier said than done, as I occasionally catch myself doing it at times as well. I just try to ignore it and focus on me more.
If you have a creative venture, I highly recommend you continue exploring it. Start by dedicating short amounts of time to it - little by little. Eventually, you'll see things start coming together. Life is too short to let go of things that drive us.
Now, I hope for all of us to never feel stuck or cornered. Let's make a pact: promise yourself that YOU WILL always put your happiness first. So, take a leap of faith, and go for things that elicit those big smiles and go for things that matter to you. Life's all about the simple pleasures.
Note: I don't even know how many times I came back and re-wrote this or edited around it. Every time I revisited this page, I felt differently each time. At first, it was really just a rant and came from a place of hurt and anger. Slowly, I started to care less about the situation and eventually just let it be - a lesson. I'm glad I held off on posting this. Its been sitting in the drafts for almost a year.
If you have any comments, similar experiences, suggestions/feedback or anything - drop them down below in the comments. I'd love to hear from you! :)